It's Always full of Crap

I don't really watch the news.  I mean, my husband reads the paper from front to back and every once in a while I catch the local news.  Actually, I take that back.  Every morning I see the local news because that is what I turn on when I'm getting ready for work.  I love to *watch* the weather but I only half way listen to every thing else.  I don't pay too much attention to it because it's always about someone killing someone else and who's mad at who and I'm just over it.  I used to get so worked up about all the stupidity and crime and wrong doing in our world.  I'm not interested in politics so I wouldn't even know where to start if I were to become interested in fixing the world.

The ONE thing I know, is that GOD is my Savior and with Him I can get through anything.  You might think I'm really stupid for saying this but seriously, I count on Him for a lot of things.  Plus, I really don't care what you think.  If I die tomorrow it will not matter because that is how my life was planned by Him.  I cannot change that. 

I found that the more I watched the news and got worked up over it, the more I was trying to figure out how to change it.  My poor mother still gets so worked up over things that we just have no control over other than our right to vote and our prayers that we actually make the right choices. Sometimes when I call her during the day she sounds so sad, or is overly pissed off about the things she cannot change.  I worry she will give herself a heart attack one day worrying about things she can't control!

But, because I don't live in a hole and am very aware of my surroundings and the things that go on in the world (HELLO - I'M ADDICTED TO FACEBOOK and you can learn A LOT on facebook), I am aware of the headlines.  Most recently the very horrible tragedy that happened in Tuscon, AZ.  A lot of the world and news media is caught up with the suspect in the killings.  How strange he is.  Why didn't anyone notice that something was bothering him. The whys and hows and what exactly was wrong with the gentleman that opened fire.  It's their job and they report the news and what catches the readers attention.  Then there is the other story of the nine year old girl who lost her life that day.  She was born on 9/11/2001.  The same day of another very tragic day in history.  She was smart, athletic, caring and jovial.  She was interested in politics.  At nine years old.  Nine.  When I was nine years old I didn't even know who the President of the United States was!  This bright young lady was on her way to *being* the President of the United States.

Doesn't it make you sit back and think that God really knows what he's doing?  This little girl was born on a tragic day and left our world on a tragic day.  Things like that don't just *happen*, they are planned.

Have you been watching her parents?  One of my co-workers said today that they have given countless interviews without shedding a tear.  But, I'm certain they cry themselves to sleep each night.  As a parent myself, I know they hurt tremendously inside and may never be the same.  On the outside they are courageous and proud of their young daughter who left this world knowing much, much more than the average American.  On the inside they are torn apart, to never, ever be whole again. Christina was fearless the day she died.  She went to meet Rep. Gabrielle Giffords with a neighbor.  Her parents let her go.  How could they possibly know that something so unthinkable would happen?  They couldn't.  And neither could the neighbor who will now live with so much unnecessary guilt about being the last one holding little Christina's hand.

Tonight when I was at the gym I watched the news.  I watched as the husband of the lady who took Christina to the event told of how his wife screams out in the night, "Christina, let's run, hold hands".  It's stories like this that make me want to be bigger than God, fly to Arizona and knock the crap out of that damn idiot who killed 6 innocent people because he didn't like the answer Rep. Giffords gave him TWO YEARS AGO! 

But, I'm not bigger than God.  I never will be.  I want to always trust Him and have a sense of security that only He can give me daily. And so, I will not watch the news.  It's always full of crap.

Thank You for Reading

Happy Monday!

Kind of.  I mean, I drew the short straw this morning when my husband and I were arguing over who would get to stay home with the boys today since pretty much all of Mississippi shut down. 

It's ICE PEOPLE!!!  Just drive slow!

Anywhoo, I had to come to work today and it's really no big deal.  Actually, I'm sort of glad I did lose the 8 games of Rock, Paper, Scissors that I insisted hubs play with me.  I was so stir crazy yesterday and because I couldn't go anywhere due to the "STORM" I think I ate entirely too much!  I would eat something, then exercise.  Then I'd eat again, and exercise again.  It was a vicious cycle.  Now, my legs are sore from the step ups I did and I have diarrhea...stupid junk food!

Since there isn't a full staff today, I've just been catching up with little things from the holidays.  I have a lot of classes to schedule and I really need to clean up our SharePoint but it's boring work and I don't feel like doing that today.  So, instead I've been making neat piles on my desk of stuff to do.  I'm a pretty organized person.  At work.  I mean, at home, now that's a different story.  But when someone wants something at work I can usually get it done within the next few minutes or at least by COB.  So, with that being said I've had a lot of piddle time today.

I've been browsing around the web and facebook and what not.  While I was on facebook, someone made a comment on my wall.  I clicked on my wall and noticed that there were more *likes* on my link to my blog post from Friday.  Upon further digging, I found that an old employer who shall remain nameless, but is majorly a total hottie actually clicked on the *like* button!  Oh em geeee! HE READS MY BLOG???

Hellz to the yea!!!  My original goal was to make my family laugh and keep them up to date in the daily goings on of Mississippi life.  It's neat when they post comments on my blog and makes me feel loved.
I mean, yes, I write it and post it to like, *put it out there* and all.  But, I'm really impressed with the different types of people that are reading my blog. 

Because hello! I by no means am as good a writer as Shauna Glenn.  And I don't have nearly as many followers as Brittany Gibbons.  But you gotta start somewhere right?  And writing is so fun and a HUGE escape for me.  Sometimes I just want to tell y'all everything I'm thinking.  I don't have the problems that the aforementioned ladies have like going poop in a public place or an irrational fear of flying.  But for some reason, their shit is so funny to me, it makes me want to confess to you, my readers, something uber strange about myself.  Also, I'm not nearly as pretty as Shauna and Brittany, have you seen those ladies?  They do however, provide me with a lot of confidence.  Once, I sent a picture of myself to Brittany and she was like "oh my god, you are so not fat" and I was like "um, hello, do you wear glasses because I think you forgot to put them on!" I thought it was pretty sweet of her though because she did notice my hair.  She said it was pretty or something like that.  Yes, I do have pretty hair.  I work hard at having pretty hair.  My entire morning is spent on having pretty hair.  My kids hate it that I take so long making it look like pretty hair.  My husband rolls his eyes when I slap his hands away from my head as he tries to run his fingers through it, but damn it, it took an hour to flat iron that shit so leave it the hell alone!

Sorry, back to my point.  I don't really have one.  I just wanted to reach out to you lovely readers and thank  you for reading my silly stories.  It's the bomb.com/yourmom (read: the bomb dot com slash your mom) that you take a minute out of your day to read my thoughts.  There is no method to my madness what so ever.

Most of the time.

Elliptical Nightmare

So it's the New Year and everyone and their grandma is at the gym these days. 

I can't even find a damn place to park!

I purposely started two weeks prior to New Years day so I could get myself established in a routine.  Show my face daily.  Get the others used to me.  I get on the same treadmill every.single.day.  Turn on the same channel.  Enter the same program.  I think I even wipe my face at the same time.

Not yesterday!

As I pull into the parking lot immediately, I started to panic.  My treadmill.  My TV.  Undoubtedly, they would be occupied by a set of strange feet.

Sure enough, as I rounded the corner, past Beefy Bill and Stocky Sam staring at themselves in the mirror, I noticed my treadmill was being used by some skinny bitch who didn't really need to be there in the first place.  Why couldn't she take her happy, ponytail ass outside to run the streets where everyone else can see her?  Instead she had to take my treadmill in the far corner where not a soul can see me sweating my piggy butt off! 

I could walk around the track until a treadmill opened up.  Nah.

Maybe, I'll start on my arms workout and then do cardio.  Nope.  More skinny chicks occupy the weight machines conveniently located to the hottie sitting at the trainers desk.  My, don't they look cute in their matching spandex.  Barf.

The only option left was the elliptical machine.  Fine! 

I drag myself over to one of the two elliptical machines open.  Hey, I've used an elliptical before.  Surely, they're all the same.  Except these machines *looked* different.  More buttons, more options. As I get on, I do know that I have to actually start moving so the machine will turn on.  I start moving, choose the Weight Loss Program and enter what seems like my life history just so the machine can tell me that I'm going to burn 5 calories! I get to the end finally and decide that wasn't so bad, maybe I'll switch to elliptical from treadmill. 

That's where I was wrong!

The second I hit enter after putting my weight in that sucker tightened up like a rubber band being stretched from here to China Town!  I glanced down at the guide and the little monster decided to throw itself into a Resistance of 20! 

TWENTY!!!  You're kidding me right?  Well, then...let me just reach down here and knock you back down to 5 or 6.

Not happening. 

I pressed the buttons again.  Nothing.

By now, Mr. Muscle has climbed on the only open elliptical machine next to me.  Punched in his numbers and he was off like a race horse climbing the Mayan Ruins.  I notice his resistance is set to 30.  THIRTY!

Now I don't want to change mine because he'll think I'm a wimp.  All of the sudden I hear all this beeping going on and skinny bitch next to me is upping her resistance.  Now hers says 30.

Oh hell naw.....I ain't touching mine now.  I can take these two.  Fat girls can run too!

After only three minutes sweat was literally *pouring* off of me.  I had one of those carpenter rings around my neck.  You know, where your face is sweating so much that the collar of your shirt is just soaking it up faster than the sweat can roll down your face?  Nice.  I think I even had sweat in the crack of my ass and my light pink shorts now had a nice fuchsia stripe running down the center of them!  There was no way in hell I was getting off that machine before those two assholes finished.  Their time was set at 30 minutes so I re-entered mine to 35.  Ha, ha!  Suckers!

I can't tell you for sure because there were some black spots all around me but I think I shouted out to Jesus a few times and threw my hands up in the air.  That has to be the only reason everyone kept asking me if I was alright.

When I stepped off that stupid machine, my legs felt like jello sticks.  My ears were ringing and my eyes were burning with mascara sweat dripping down my face.  I felt like I could pass out at any minute.  I just had to make it to the cleaning station, get a towel and some spray, go clean the evil machine and make a beeline to my car. 

As I left the gym, fake smile and a wave, tears were streaming down my face.  The guy at the desk said he'd see me tomorrow.  Real funny, Jerk! 

Especially since today I thought I'd be cute and wear my new boots with a damn 3 in heel. 

Big mistake.

I cannot move. 

It takes me more than 3 minutes to get the nerve up to squat over the toilet.

I may possibly pee my pants on purpose just to avoid using the big stall in the restroom where there is a handle on the wall in which to brace myself as I lower down to the toilet.

I scream when I sit in my chair at my desk.  I sent an email out first thing this morning nicely asking my co-workers to come to me if they need me as I will not be capable of getting up.

I ate lunch standing up today.

All I have to say is that skinny bitch better not be on my treadmill today or I'm gonna grab her by the pony tail and drag her to the not so friendly elliptical machine that nearly killed me last night!

And so it continues.....

I did it!  And, I'm actually looking forward to doing it again.  I know that's really weird but my parents always told me that when you get older you turn all weird and stuff.  I guess I used to call them weird?

Anyway, I went to the gym.  I didn't let my friend down by ditching her and letting her work out solo.  Although, there was potential for let down.  Who in the world can resist this:

Mommy?  You're leaving AGAIN?  You just got home from work....I haven't seen you all day long.  I had to go to the movies with daddy and eat popcorn and then we came home and played the Wii all day long and just lounged around.  Why can't you lounge around with me???

Oh son, I made a promise that I'm going to keep so I must go to the gym.  I'll only be gone an hour and then when I get home we can play!

He was happy with that and told me not to sweat too much because I stink when I sweat.  The nerve!

Two things I need to mention about yesterday's blog:

1st, I got a lot of lip from one person because of a certain beverage that I drink.  Which majorly sucked out loud because this person is, besides my husband and children and parents, one of the MOST IMPORTANT persons in my life!!!  I love him because he makes me laugh and I try with everything I have to make him laugh too.  Because, you know, laughter is the *best* remedy for anything...sickness, sadness, anger, turmoil, tragedy. Anything.  When you laugh it's fun right?  Also, you lose calories when you laugh.  Did you know that?  I think that's cool but apparently I'm not laughing enough because I'm still what these sweet people in the south call "a big girl".  Whatevs.  My sweet brother posted a comment on my Facebook page where I linked my blog last night.  And although he only said; "Diet Coke?.....Really?"  It sliced right through me like a knife.  I immediately tried to come back with some witty response because I wanted to make him laugh about it.  Even though it was written as "Diet Coke?.....Really?"  I read;

"WHAAAAAT!?!?! You drink Diet Coke?  How could you?  After all the memories we've shared of being siblings and the effort you and I have put forth to stay close and really be there for each other.  Sending silly texts, even drunk texts sometimes - 'June Cleaver' how could  you!  I know I haven't walked across burning searing hot coals for  you but really? You drink my competition??? 

All I could think of was how he truly may be thinking that I'm betraying him and that I really don't like him at all and that it's just one big giant facade, our sisterly/brotherly love.  So, I did a little research to try and find some products that I actually use without even knowing that I'm supporting him.  He served 23 years in the Air Force.  He fought for our Country on numerous occasions and it would only be the right thing to do, by supporting his civilian job now.  To give back, if I may. Did you know that PEPSICO owns brands like Frito-Lay, Tropicana and Gatorade?  And even when you're waking up bright and early in the morning for a hot bowl of steaming oatmeal, you would be supportive of him by choosing the Quaker Brand!  I'm totally impressed now.  As if I weren't already enamored with my brother and the effortless way he makes life *look* (I said look because, really, we all know that sometimes life can just suck eggs), now after a really simple search I find that with minimal effort on my part, I can still totally support him WITHOUT having to drink that nasty after tasting, other brand's diet soft drink.  I can still drink my diet Coke (sorry bro), and have my Doritos too!  I could even have a different item for every single meal in support of my brother and not have to give up my said favorite soft drink.  For instance;  I could wake up and have a bowl of Cap'n Crunch for breakfast, Life Cereal or even Oatmeal and drink a Starbucks Doubleshot or Frappuccino.  Check mark for support of your brother at breakfast time. For lunch a quick Quaker Rice Cake with peanut butter.  Another check mark for that there QUAKER Rice Cake! At the gym I could sport around my Propel Vitamin Enhanced Water.  Check!  Last, dinner time wouldn't be complete without the delicious Near East Side Dishes - Rice Pilaf for one, is pretty outstanding if you ask me.  Or, how about some Rice-A-Roni?  The San Francisco Treat has always been and continues to be a favorite in my house with a nice Steak from the grill.  Check.Mark! See - I support you brother, in EVERYTHING I do - just don't mess with my Diet Coke!

That brings me right into the second reason for this follow up post.  A really great friend of mine and the sweetest most elegant lady emailed and said;

Gen, saw your blog today about the new year diet....I'm with you sister.....it's not the food with me.  Food just doesn't turn me on that much........."

And that's where it all went fuzzy to me.  My jaw almost hit the floor.  I was shocked and literally speechless.  That was it exactly!  I am cheating on my husband.  I am having a love affair with *food*!  Food turns me on!  I sat and thought about it and it's true.  Food can make me smile, cry, and has even angered me at times.  There are times when I bake or cook something that I just want to stare at it and not even eat it because it looks so pretty or I've worked so hard at it, that I don't want to ruin it.  I mean, who else do you know googles Pepsico products just to be sure she's eating the right ones as to not betray her brother?  I mean seriously, I can get pretty excited over a tortilla.  Yes, a really fresh homemade hot off the press tortilla.  There honestly isn't anything better. Well, add some real butter and that might be better than sex!

So needless to say, last nights prayers were a bit strange.  Although I believe that God knows everything we are thinking before we even think it, I have to wonder sometimes if He doesn't think I am the NUTTIEST person He has ever created.  They were on the lines of something like this:

Dear God,

Wow!  You really pulled that one off.  You scared me for a minute there - I thought you were going to let those dirty birds win.  And really, the 'Saints' should always be the winner because, h-e-l-l-ooooo - they're Saints, like You.  You get where I'm coming from right?  Also, if my brother is mad at me, like really mad because I don't drink Diet Pepsi, could You find a way for him to forgive me?  I know I'm his favorite sister and all and that should be enough for me but since I'm younger and a tiny bit insecure, perhaps you could make him laugh at me more?  I know that sounds totally strange but I never said I was normal, You should know that.  I'm not telling you how to run things and that You should listen to me but, it would help things a bit.  What?  Yes, I do believe I'm living right and so my requests to You should come very easy.  Yes, sir I will work on being a little nicer to my children.  Listen God, You're steering me off my course here.  I just have one more thing.  My eye's opened a little bit wider today when someone mentioned to me that she didn't get "turned on" by food.  I was a little bit appalled.  I thought to myself, and You probably heard because You are the all knowing and all but, who doesn't totally love food?  Why is it such a sin to be "*in love*" with food?  You created it right?  So, it's like, OK to be in love with it.  That's my thought process anyway so sweet precious Lord, will you PLEASE ask my sweet friend who is thin and pretty and elegant and just plain nice and probably doesn't have to lift a finger to stay in shape to find it in her heart make up with Food?  It's just unfair for her to have to go through life without the wonderful love affair I have with food.  She should feel that way too because it's well, a wonderful feeling! In fact, I wish that for everyone I come in contact with.  They should all love food the way I do.  What's that You say? Yes, yes I do live in Mississippi.  Yes, we are the fattest State.  Oh, right.....you want me to move to another state so I can get the rest of the Country on board!  I'll have to think about it and get back to You on that one.  I just love the South!  God, I love You and want You to have a good night and please for love of Christ will you shut that barking dog up next door?  Love You God! ~ Gen

That's just the kind of relationship we have, me and God.  I can talk to him like that.  I know that's why sometimes I have diarrhea in the morning or a slight headache. We have to live with consequences, but I know He loves the way I can just chit chat with him!

And so it begins.....

WHEW!  Christmas is over and until next year around Halloween, I'm so glad to see it go!

I've missed you my readers.  I've just been so busy running from here to there and I can promise you it was in more than just my underwear.  Somehow, I can picture myself jumping up out of bed and running around in nothing but my skivvies.  Alas, I didn't.  I actually took the time to put clothes on.  And, when I woke up this morning to go to work while my kiddos and hubby slept in, I have NO IDEA *HOW* I PUT THEM ON!  Yep, diet started today and there were no excuses.  My pants that used to be too big are slowly but surely beginning to fit and I do NOT under any circumstance want them to "fit" because of the number that sits in the waistband.  No, it wont happen.

So, in my dash to the kitchen this morning to throw something in a bag for lunch I also grabbed a plate of cupcakes, half a coconut cake, a box of chocolates and a box of almond roca.  I left a note to hubby that I was taking it to work for the vultures to devour since we didn't need it anymore.  While I was on my to work on the empty streets I was thinking how I could just sneak one cupcake and eat it really fast in the car and nobody would know!  I started to do it but then thought I would only be cheating myself out of the commitment to drop two sizes as fast as I can.  So, I pulled into the McDonald's!  Only, I wasn't in the drive through line.  I got out of my car and walked across parking lot. Yay for me, my exercise starts today! NO! I didn't go inside McDonald's.  Shame on you for thinking that I was going to devour a nice hot Egg McMuffin, or Country Style Chicken biscuit while washing it all down with the best ever Caramel Frappe'! Nope! In my arms I carried everything that I said I was going to take to work and dumped it into a garbage can that sat in the parking lot at McDonald's!!  Now, I have to hope that when hubby returns to work tomorrow he doesn't call anyone up here to ask how his coconut cake was!  But, if it were here, I would find some excuse to eat it and, I just don't want any temptations.

So far today has been OK, the first day is usually the hardest for me.  As long as I have my Extra Sugar free gum and my Coke Zero I think I'll be alright.  I'm really not looking forward to the gym tonight though.  I've made a commitment to a friend as well as my husband, that beginning today, I would join them at the gym for a workout for an hour after work every day.  The thing is, I haven't worked out for an hour in about a year and a half!  It's going to be brutal.  And since both my friend and husband know that I don't rely on my inhaler anymore I can't fool them by faking an asthma attack.  It used to work, really it did.  I wont try to find a way out of it this year.  I'll simply despise going to the gym and just trudge through it. Bleh.....

This is my warning:  I will be sugarless, and very worn out at the end of the night so tomorrow, watch out! My happy shoes are being parked for 75 days until I sail away to Mexico!

Maybe I'm NUTS

Do you dream? I can't remember the last time I had a dream.  The older (and more tired) I get, I think I just go into a coma and then God gives me a little push when it's almost time to wake up.

Last night however was a different story.

All throughout my day, I'm thinking of things to tell you.  I literally write my story in my head.  Sometimes I write little notes to remind myself of something funny that happened so I can play off of that.  Yesterday as I got home from work I felt like I had a million things to do.  Supper, homework, secret Santa, bathtime, cleaning up to get ready for BUNCO (at my house this month, YAY!), paint and you see where I'm going with this.  I feel like I have no time to spend with hubs.

So, last night while I was making some snacks for the office it felt like I hadn't heard hubs in a while.  I walked into our bedroom and he was busy replacing all of the pictures from my dresser. that he dusted. with pledge!  Wow!  A few minutes later I heard him in our living room.  SWEEPING!  This is really nice, I thought.  I have a great husband!

I alwasy check email and browse a few other blogs and wind down.  When I got into bed hubs was almost asleep and I just touched him and told him thanks.  I layed there for a long time thinking of what to tell you about him and just exactly how I was going to portray the wonderfulness of my guy.  I had it all planned out and then fell fast asleep.

And, so the dream begins.  I dreamed I was in a car accident in a Cracker Barrel parking lot.  I was meeting some of my girl friends so, I just went on in and I would deal with it later. Next scene is me walking out of the restaraunt noticing that my car is completely mangled and it's now pitch black outside.  I take a deep breath, close my eyes for a second and when I open them I'm at the opposite end of the parking lot away from where my car was.  Only, there was now a tow truck, rental car and car was running.  I faintly noticed my husband out of the corner of my eyes but when I focused he was gone.  Just like that.  I was calling his name and two people started walking toward me.  Only, it wasn't him or anyone I've seen in a very long time.  The closer they were to me, I was able to make out that it was my Aunt Linda and my cousin Jon.  What?! Why?  Oh my god, help me.  Why are they here?  Who sent them?  I was trying desperately in my dream to figure it out.  Instantly Jon handed me her cell phone and I was trying to dial my husband.  But each time I dialed the numbers exactly, completely different numbers were being entered and I kept getting people in China and I heard nothing but laughter.  I noticed that Jon had his arm around Linda and every time she said something to me the only thing that moved was her jaw.  Her eyes were glassed over and the rest of her body was motionless.  During my panic and fear of not ever finding my husband to tell him thank you for taking care of me, I discovered that her lips were painted on and her jaw was wooden.  She wasn't Aunt Linda at all, but a BEAUTIFUL Nutcracker and her keeper was her son, my cousin Jon.  Upon that realization, a rush of loud music over came the parking lot and my husband was shaking me awake!

I had a few seconds to put it all together and before I let him escape the bed I told him I loved him and he'd never know just how much I really appreciate every single thing he does for me.

He rolled his eyes, and headed to the shower.  I lay in bed wondering what that dream meant.  Hubs is always doing something fantastic and amazing for me, even though he doesn't have to.  It's never a second thought for him.  He does these things as though he wouldn't rather do anything but what he does for me.  For us, for our family.  Does he really, truly know how thankful I am? 

My only explanation for my Aunt being a Nutcracker is this;  the last blog I read showcased an AWESOME Nutcracker.  Perhaps I show my appreciation to hubs with Nutcracker mannerisms....wooden and motionless....(but painted so beautiful!).

So I got a little excited!

This weekend I turned into my mother.

It's not such a bad thing.

I've been pushing it off only because I wanted to be my own person.  But to be like her is wonderful, if I do say so myself.

Don't get me wrong.  I love my mom, she's my best friend.  Besides my sister who has taken a hiatus to even being my sister, and that's another story.

So, mom is this little tiny lady - and that is the only place we differ because, I AM NOT TINY - who has a whole bunch of spunk and can really tell you off if you displease her in any way. 

She likes to watch football and baseball.  She cooks so wonderfully, and takes care of her man.  She loves to read and watch sad movies with happy endings.  All things I love as well.

I had realized that I was becoming her the day I said "sorry" to my husband after an argument just so I could go to bed without being in a fight.  I can remember listening to my parents argue sometimes and my mom would cry sometimes and I'd tell her: "Mom, just go say you're sorry.  I hate it when you guys fight and dad is so stubborn that he'll never admit when he's wrong.  So, just go make up and tell him your sorry!"  She always did.  Just to keep the peace.  Well, I have done it once or twice and it just works.

So, hubs and I are watching the Saints game yesterday and I'm pissed.  Calling plays that Payton should do and he's not doing.  Suggesting loudly, that Drew should opt to pass the ball rather than run it.  I mean Chris Ivory did well yesterday but you'll never convince me that a run play is better when it's 3 and 18.  That's ridiculous.  At the end of the game the announcers couldn't understand what Sean and Drew were doing.  It was 4 and 2.  A long 2 yards at that.  38 seconds to go and Saints are down by 3. The punt team didn't come onto the field and Drew looks as if he'd just woken up from a little nap.  Looking left to right as the play clock dwindles down.  I'm thinking to myself;

"DUDE, you better hurry up!! And what the hell are you doing? You better settle for a field goal."

Two seconds on the play clock and the Saints call time out.  Whew, even though you wasted a time out at least you came to your senses and you're gonna kick it, tie it up and go into overtime.  So, they come back from commercial break and what do I see?  NOT THE PUNT TEAM AT THE LINE!  Drew Brees is back behind center and the play clock is winding down.  Hubs says:

They're gonna try and draw the Bengals offsides

No way, they'll never do it, Cincinnati is playing smart.  And trying to draw them offsides at the end of a game when you're three points behind is just stupid.  Totally LAME.  Even though it's legal, it's still totally stupid.  Like the "let's call time out right before the kicker kicks to try and throw him off".  That's legal too and just as stupid.

And, since everyone at home knew, surely the Bengals know.  They didn't.  Or, they did but couldn't help themselves.  Now, I was watching for it and I mean *really* watching.  The second #90 moved I knew it worked!!  And here goes me, channelling my mother;

HA HA HA HA!!! GOT YOU SUCKER!!! YOU MOVED AND WE GOT YOU!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!

Now, if you say that with as much emotion and excitement I did while jumping up and down, then you too have channelled my sweet mommy.  Except try not to scare the crap out of your kids like I did.  They'll never look at me the same again.

It's fun, and I am so glad to be just like her!