Yummy! Bacon Chicken Ranch Club Pizza

Every once in a while my kids request something different for lunch or dinner.

The other night They wanted biscuits and gravy for dinner. Blah.

This morning, I wasn't up a good 10 minutes and they both wanted homemade pizza. You know you cook well when they don't beg for delivery!

So, I went to the store and picked up a few ingredients.

1 Can Pillsbury Pizza dough
1lb Bacon, cooked and crumbled
3 Chicken Breasts, sautéed and diced small
Ranch dressing
Green onions, sliced small
Shredded Pizza cheese

Roll out pizza dough and place on cookie sheet that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. Bake in 350 degree oven for 8 minutes or until just slightly golden. Remove from oven and set aside. Cook bacon crispy, crumble, and set aside. Chop Chicken into small cubes and sauté in bacon grease (I swear it's healthy). Drain well. I did it just like the bacon by placing it on a plate with napkins. Slice the green onions and combine the chicken, bacon and onions in a small bowl. Add two Tbsp Ranch dressing and mix well. Spread about two to three Tbsp ranch dressing over pizza crust. Add chicken, bacon, onion and ranch mixture and top with cheese. Bake in 350 degree oven for 15 minutes. Slice an eat!

YUMMY!

What DIDN'T happen in 2011

First, I'm totally lazy.

I don't want to move from my comfy spot on the couch to go type out a blog.

But, as I sit here alone on my couch, reflecting back on the past year while my sweet boys sleep no matter how hard they tried to stay awake, I thought I'd share the year with you. There are some things though that I'll keep to myself.

So, using my smart ass, I mean er, smart phone, I'm trying to post a damn blog.

As a reader (Taunia), you should feel special that I'm even following through because the keyboard will NOT turn to the side. I'm forced to one finger it!

Type. One finger type. Geeze!

Basically, this year totally rocked because so many things *didn't* happen. I didn't get written up at work. Which is so shocking because I know you won't believe this but, my mouth is the same in the office as it is on my blog and Facebook. It's just who I am.

I didn't break a bone this year. I have broken at least one bone a year for the last 4 years! I almost didn't make it this year with my knee though...I don't consider an injection under my knee cap major...although it was kind of major that my husband almost wrecked the truck because he didn't get the picture of the needle in my knee that I text him, until he was driving home from work and almost passed out at the wheel. Oops!

I didn't get pregnant. And omg, that's all I have to say about that. There's a black cat pacing in front of me and I'm all about superstition, wives tales and all that other shit. Plus, I am notorious for jinxing the fuck out of myself!

I didn't get a speeding ticket. Wait. Well damn, now the world knows but please don't tell my husband!

I'd like to say I didn't piss anyone off but who the hell am I kidding? With 365 days in a year there's a damn good chance that at LEAST 75% of the year was spent thinking of ways to piss off my enemies. I am, after all a total asshole. The good thing is I didn't make any *more* enemies.

This is the first year that I didn't want to lock myself in the trunk of my car with a bottle of vodka. Between two boys that can't even let me take a crap, shower or shave my bikini line without having to know every single detail of exactly how and why I'm doing it while begging "please mommy, why can't we sit at the bathroom door while you're relaxing on the toilet?" and the JA I married who thinks its funny to scare the living shit out of me as I round every. Damn. Corner. Of. My. House! Seriously, the trunk is amazingly quiet.

This year I didn't one time have to ask my boys to help me pack my suitcase so I could run away. I think the last four years of asking them to just dump my panty drawer in the suitcase finally got to them. All I have to do is open the closet where my suitcase is and they start cleaning their rooms and yelling how much they love each other!

Overall I had a great mommy year. My professional life is moving right along at a great pace and hopefully 2012 will be even better. I got really close to some very special people who will forever be in my heart and I've made some fantastic friends.

2011 also proved to be a non "sibling drama" filled year. I don't recall telling any of my three brothers or my twin to fuck off and, I even spent quality time with three of the four of them for what turned out to be super fun memories that I will cherish!

I look forward to 2012 being a thousand times better and again surrounding myself with those I love and who love me back!

Happy New Year!

By far the Weirdest Massage EVER!

This is going to be VERY, VERY long......get comfortable.

Someone who spoils me rotten tells me all the time "You're not spoiled, you're just well taken care of".

But, really....I'm totally spoiled.

I get a massage once a month. Sometimes twice.

I get my nails and toes done every two weeks. 

And, I get my hair done every 8 weeks.

It's totally a girl thing.

And, I'm spoiled.

I've been so busy the last 6 weeks, that I missed my last two massages.  Since I pay for them by auto-draft from my bank account, they don't go away.  Thank god.

It finally slowed down and my attention is no longer in full demand.  For a few days anyway.  So, today I called to see if there was any way I could be squeezed in for an hour massage.  My regular masseuse was not available for the entire week and there was no way I was waiting until next week because something is bound to come up where I wouldn't be able to go.

I have a standing appointment with the same dude for my massages every month. I've been having regular massages since April and I swear to god, the chicks just aren't strong enough.  Either that, or they want to talk my fucking ear off and really, I'm not there to hear how you just love the color of my hair or how you swear my skin looks like a piece of golden brown juicy fried chicken (it was summer and I was really, really tan). So, I finally got the courage to ask for someone, preferably a man, with strong hands.  They found *Leo* and I tip really well.

Today, I was really desperate for a massage.  My back and shoulders have been killing me for the last two weeks, and remember the run last week? My legs are still throbbing.  So, I called and sweet little Jenna at the front said that Whitney was the only one available tonight.  No big deal, I'd just tell her to go stronger on the pressure. 

I check in.

I wait in the tranquility room for Whitney.

I spit my water all over the floor.

I choked.

Whitney walked in the tranquility room to get me.

Whitney is a man.

Who talks like a woman.

With a very pronounced receding hairline.

Shake it off Gen.  It's all good.

It went downhill immediately when ol' Whit told me that she he starts his massages with the client LYING ON THEIR BACKS!!!!.  That's me. Face up. No bra, just panties.  Face up.  Looking at Whitney. And his forehead. 

Awkward, but I go with it.  I'm already shaking inside because I'm trying not to laugh my ass off and he asks me if I'd like him to turn the heat up on the bed.  Go ahead buddy, maybe you'll enjoy the ass sweat!  So, he starts out by asking me to take a deep breath in through my nose and exhale loudly through my mouth.  I do.  He breathes with me.  WAIT!  He's got a bugger stopping the airflow and his nose is whistling.  This happened through the entire massage!  I am NOT relaxing.

He then proceeds to work on my arms and legs....remember I'm face up.  But, at this point I don't give a damn because I'm laughing so hard inside, I'm literally crying.  Tears are streaming down the side of my head.  Each time he finishes a limb of mine, he covers it with the blanket and gives it a nice gentle swipe as if he were whisking the pain away. 

Please picture this, because here is where I lost it completely.

With each swipe of my limbs he did a pirouette!.  I am not shitting you.  He kicked his back leg, pointed his hands and lifted his chin to the ceiling.  I died out laughing and it scared the crap out of this poor man.  He immediately came entirely too close to my face and whispered "Are you alright Genevieve?" 

I lied.

I pretended I was in agonizing pain and quickly flipped over so my back was exposed.

Told him I had a really bad cramp in the middle of my back and if he could just rub my back I think I would feel so much better.

I know I complained about Fried Chicken Talk My Head Off Lady, bud DAMN, this was by far the weirdest massage I have EVER had in my life!

Jermaine is back on Monday.  And I'll be there at 5.

There is NO WAY you're a Runner if you're a Smoker!!

This is the one I don't want my husband to see.

I knew that damn pack of cigarettes I just had to have in Vegas 4 weeks ago was eventually going to bite me in the ass!

Yes I smoked the whole pack.

All 20 of them. 

By myself.

And paid about $7 dollars too much for them.  But I didn't care that the lady said $9 when she handed them to me.  I had a fantastic buzz and damn it, I was going to smoke.

Today, my lungs hate me.  My taste buds even hate me.  The shit that has been flying up my esophagus is the most foul tasting junk I have ever had resting on my tongue.  And little did I know, my gag reflexes have become so strong in my older age!

I've thrown up twice today.

I decided that after about a month and a half off, I was going to start running again.  I was talking about it yesterday in a meeting with some co-workers and wouldn't you know it, someone who came from out of town found a great place to run and invited me to run with him. 

Why the hell do I not know how to say NO?  I can't do it.  It's not in me at all to say no.

This guy runs 7 days a week.  Every. Single. Day.  And, I'm not talking the little 2 miles that I was planning on starting out with.  I can guarantee you he runs about 10-15 miles a day. 

My stupid fat ass said I would go run with him this morning.

One of my greatest qualities is that when I say I'm going to do something, I do it.  I never back out.

Today, I wish I would have backed out.

First, it was like 30 degrees outside.  And, I love the cold weather but remember the fucking entire pack of cigarettes I smoked 4 weeks ago?  Right.  My lungs were already pissed at me for that.  Add the nice cold crisp air stabbing me in the chest and I'm not really a happy camper.

But, I did it.  I committed myself to meet him at 4:45 a.fucking.m and we ran. 

Well, he ran and I jogged.  Most of the time.  Because I had to walk when I almost threw up.  Six times.

He ran circles around me.  Literally.  Like, I was running around the lake, and he was running around me running around the lake! 

I cannot move a muscle in my body.  I feel like I've been run over by a steamroller.  The smokephlegm is just multiplying up my throat and I had to have my husband take my boots off tonight.

Guess what my dumb ass did today before I left work?

I'll let you know how tomorrow's morning run goes.....ugh.

Insomnia

There are two people who are going to be very happy when I'm done typing.

I think.

They know who they are.  They know each other. They Should probably get married.

They're assholes too, because they're benefiting from my lack of ability to sleep at this early morning hour.

Oh, they're not asleep.  It's a different time zone where they are.  I bet they're on their 3rd Micro brew as I type.

But, I can't sleep.

The older I get, the less sleep I get and that's so funny because when I was really young, I thought all my parents did was sleep.  Maybe that's why I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters?

Don't get me wrong, I'm really good at pretending I'm in the deepest sleep ever.

Huh? Frankenstein..no, she's got the apple.  Tell him to flip the shoe before it's burned.....

That's either a super deep sleep or someone slipped me a Mickey when I wasn't looking.  But, it worked because he rolled over and went to sleep. Ha!

And sometimes, I just have a really bad headache *wink, wink*!

Anyway - there are a million things running through my mind right now.  And my intestines too....I was so busy today, I forgot to eat until around 7 when I finally got home from work.  I ate a 1/2 a pop tart and 1/2 a bag of Chex Mix.  My bowels are not too happy with me right now!

So, I can't sleep because believe it or not, I'm NOT a good speaker when I have to stand up in front of you and 16 of your peers and bullshit my way through a presentation.  You know why?  Because I'm not a good liar.  When you're looking at me.  Let me tell some BS you over the phone, or in an email and I can bust that shit out.  But put me up in front of you, and I know you can see right through me!

A few weeks ago I was in Orlando at a small conference and I actually made fun of someone because she was so nervous when she got up to speak that she sounded like she was crying.

Carma is going to bite me on the ass tomorrow.  Because guess what this bitch sounds like when she's nervous?  LIKE I'M CRYING!!!!

I already have a call in for some Xanax. Some one's ass might be beat if they don't come through too.

I dont' give a shit if I sound like I'm three sheets to the wind.

I'd rather you think I had myself a little toddy in the morning before my presentation than for you to think I was so nervous I couldn't get my words out. 

I guess I better do my best to close my eyes and fall asleep.  Here's how tired I am.  When I close my eyes I see a god damned second hand spinning in super speed around and around and around.

Nite nite!

Today I Struggle with Emotion

Please do NOT judge me by this blog.  I realize that I haven't blogged in quite some time, but today there is something I need to get off my chest.  It hasn't been brewing in my mind for months, weeks or even days.  It's something that just happened literally hours ago, and I am having a very hard time wrapping my head around it.

You could essentially call today's writing, an EMERGENCY Blog. 

Around my office today, there are tears being shed.  Lots of them.

There was a very tragic accident this weekend involving one of our coworkers.  The accident took their life away and now the family of the coworker is left grieving.  For the loss of their loved one of course, but it was a very tragic accident and the family is left reeling, not knowing what to do.  I can imagine, it's a very difficult time.

Here at the office, everyone is in shock.  This person was the go-to for just about everything.  And, everyone loved the co-worker who just passed away so tragically.

Our office is basically at a stand still.  Faces are expressionless.  There is no motion.  No flow.  It's as if today is not happening. 

And here I sit, sick to my stomach.  I have no emotion.  I am not crying.  I'm not smiling either. 

Did  you read that? 

I'm not crying. 

I think I'm the only one in this building who has not cried.  It's not that I didn't like this person, because I did.  Every time they walked through the door there was a genuine smile and they ALWAYS acknowledged me. 

This person was the very first person I had contact with once I was selected for my current position.  They expressed genuine happiness that I was joining this office.  When we finally met, the words that were spoken to me, completely shocked me.  If you know me, you know that I'm a very strong willed woman.  I think I'm smart, and funny and pretty and I can do anything I set my mind to.  I do NOT need a man to get me where I'm going, and that would be TTT.  Yes, one day I will be going To The TOP!

So, you can imagine my surprise and shock when I heard this from my co-worker my first day on the job:

"It's so great to finally meet Jason's wife.  You know, you'll always be just 'Jason's Wife', you wont have your own name here.  We all love Jason so much that we will simply refer to you as 'Jason's Wife'."

That right there set the tone for the relationship I had with that co-worker.  I was always friendly, and genuinely happy to see this person when they walked through the door.  Because this person was honestly a nice person.  But, I never forgot what they said and how it made me feel like I will never amount to anything without my last name, and that perhaps I even got my promotion because I am 'Jason's Wife'.  Maybe they didn't mean it that way, and perhaps it was just something said to make me more aware that my husband is a fantastic person to all that know him here, but still, I think I took it the wrong way. 

Just 4 days ago, that person walked through the door and said:  "Hello Genny".  I've been here for almost 2 years now, and Thursday was the first day I was called by my real name by that co-worker.  Today, that co-worker rests in Heaven and I know that to be true.  But, today, I'm wondering why I'm not crying.  Death is sad is it not?  Especially when it happens so sudden and tragic as it did in this case.

I didn't know this person as well as so many others who work here did.  I didn't have contact with this co-worker on a daily basis, but those who have tears falling from their eyes, and pain in their heart today *did* know him that well. I'm really struggling today with the fact that I'm not crying.  I have tried on numerous occasions to lift the spirits of those who are hurt.  But, to no avail, they turn their heads at me and ignore my genuine effort to make them feel a little better.

I'm afraid that today I'm being looked down upon because I didn't stay for prayer service after the short meeting.  I'm afraid that the sound of keypad typing coming from my office door has those who aren't able to get through today feeling as though I have a hardened heart.

I don't.  Honestly, I have a very soft heart and you will occasionally find it on my sleeve.  Out there for everyone to see.  Wide open for anyone who wishes to puncture it at any time.

I guess I'm reaching out to my faithful readers for help.  Help me understand why I'm feeling this way and Please, for the love of God and my co-worker, God Rest His Soul, tell me, I'm not a bad person am I?

Good Friends - Even If They Are Your Brothers Friends!

Two years ago I flew to California for a week of fun in celebration of my brothers retirement from 23 years of service in the United States Air Force. 

Each day of the festivities, mom and dad and I got up early to prepare the food for the days events.  Who am I kidding?  My mom and dad got up early while I slept in like a princess. 

The first night, as I was leaving my brothers house, making my trek across the field of Jack Rabbits to the apartment I was staying in, I was quite surprised at the bodies just passed out cold on his floor.  Everywhere.  Guy on this couch, wife upstairs in the spare bedroom.  Chick on the floor behind the couch and dude a few feet away.  Asleep, on the floor.  I guess the good thing is, they didn't drive.

The next day, I walk back over to his house, across Jack Rabbit field, in search of coffee and an aspirin for my pounding head. As I walk in the door, everyone is up, already laughing *and* playing the Wii while drinking their coffee.  Fuck.  It was going to be a very long week of drinking and laughing and one hell of a good time.

When I came home to Mississippi, I had several new friends.  It seemed a little lame at the time, but the old adage ran through my mind "a friend of my brothers is a friend of mine".  These people were genuine, kind and caring friends.  The support system these Military wife's and husbands have within each other is nothing short of amazing.  When your spouse is deployed, you can count on that support system.

Two years later, and one week ago, there was another retirement ceremony.  Now, I wasn't "officially invited", but because my brother and his wife were going to be 1900 miles closer than normal, and because I hadn't seen them in two years, I figured it was as good a time as any to crash that party. 

My first night there, I was privy to "recipe".  A kick-ass frozen concoction that once you've made it through your first solo cup full, you pronounce it "RES-IH-PEEEEE".  It's probably most advisable to remain standing during consumption so you can practice your balance as you make it through the drink that you actually eat with a spoon!  I made the mistake of sitting in the very comfortable bar stool that swivels.  Damn it if I didn't have to go to the bathroom shortly after.  That was an adventure!  You know you're drunk when you look in the mirror and say: "I'm not drunk".  You're doomed.

The night was young and my brother and sister in law were NOT slowing down.  I figured I'd better get a handle on things after my 3rd Sangria so I could drive back to the hotel.  I stopped drinking all together and just people watched.  I knew the next night was going to be even crazier too.  Lord help me!

Remember in College, when we went out to the club and drank the cheapest drink so we could get drunk the fastest?  Yep, that's how this night was.  And you know, when you're wasted off your ass, you're like the best damn dancer EVAH!  There was a D.J. There were spotlights AND a strobe light.  I danced my ass off.  And other people were so drunk, they were copying me.  So, drunk they told me I was a great dancer!  I can't help but die laughing when I think back to it.  What a great time we had. 

The best part?  I'm even closer to my brother and sister-in-law's friends now and I'm counting down the days to South Carolina next year. 

I feel another retirement crash coming!