Dec 31, 2011

What DIDN'T happen in 2011

First, I'm totally lazy.

I don't want to move from my comfy spot on the couch to go type out a blog.

But, as I sit here alone on my couch, reflecting back on the past year while my sweet boys sleep no matter how hard they tried to stay awake, I thought I'd share the year with you. There are some things though that I'll keep to myself.

So, using my smart ass, I mean er, smart phone, I'm trying to post a damn blog.

As a reader (Taunia), you should feel special that I'm even following through because the keyboard will NOT turn to the side. I'm forced to one finger it!

Type. One finger type. Geeze!

Basically, this year totally rocked because so many things *didn't* happen. I didn't get written up at work. Which is so shocking because I know you won't believe this but, my mouth is the same in the office as it is on my blog and Facebook. It's just who I am.

I didn't break a bone this year. I have broken at least one bone a year for the last 4 years! I almost didn't make it this year with my knee though...I don't consider an injection under my knee cap major...although it was kind of major that my husband almost wrecked the truck because he didn't get the picture of the needle in my knee that I text him, until he was driving home from work and almost passed out at the wheel. Oops!

I didn't get pregnant. And omg, that's all I have to say about that. There's a black cat pacing in front of me and I'm all about superstition, wives tales and all that other shit. Plus, I am notorious for jinxing the fuck out of myself!

I didn't get a speeding ticket. Wait. Well damn, now the world knows but please don't tell my husband!

I'd like to say I didn't piss anyone off but who the hell am I kidding? With 365 days in a year there's a damn good chance that at LEAST 75% of the year was spent thinking of ways to piss off my enemies. I am, after all a total asshole. The good thing is I didn't make any *more* enemies.

This is the first year that I didn't want to lock myself in the trunk of my car with a bottle of vodka. Between two boys that can't even let me take a crap, shower or shave my bikini line without having to know every single detail of exactly how and why I'm doing it while begging "please mommy, why can't we sit at the bathroom door while you're relaxing on the toilet?" and the JA I married who thinks its funny to scare the living shit out of me as I round every. Damn. Corner. Of. My. House! Seriously, the trunk is amazingly quiet.

This year I didn't one time have to ask my boys to help me pack my suitcase so I could run away. I think the last four years of asking them to just dump my panty drawer in the suitcase finally got to them. All I have to do is open the closet where my suitcase is and they start cleaning their rooms and yelling how much they love each other!

Overall I had a great mommy year. My professional life is moving right along at a great pace and hopefully 2012 will be even better. I got really close to some very special people who will forever be in my heart and I've made some fantastic friends.

2011 also proved to be a non "sibling drama" filled year. I don't recall telling any of my three brothers or my twin to fuck off and, I even spent quality time with three of the four of them for what turned out to be super fun memories that I will cherish!

I look forward to 2012 being a thousand times better and again surrounding myself with those I love and who love me back!

Happy New Year!