Nov 15, 2011


There are two people who are going to be very happy when I'm done typing.

I think.

They know who they are.  They know each other. They Should probably get married.

They're assholes too, because they're benefiting from my lack of ability to sleep at this early morning hour.

Oh, they're not asleep.  It's a different time zone where they are.  I bet they're on their 3rd Micro brew as I type.

But, I can't sleep.

The older I get, the less sleep I get and that's so funny because when I was really young, I thought all my parents did was sleep.  Maybe that's why I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters?

Don't get me wrong, I'm really good at pretending I'm in the deepest sleep ever.

Huh?, she's got the apple.  Tell him to flip the shoe before it's burned.....

That's either a super deep sleep or someone slipped me a Mickey when I wasn't looking.  But, it worked because he rolled over and went to sleep. Ha!

And sometimes, I just have a really bad headache *wink, wink*!

Anyway - there are a million things running through my mind right now.  And my intestines too....I was so busy today, I forgot to eat until around 7 when I finally got home from work.  I ate a 1/2 a pop tart and 1/2 a bag of Chex Mix.  My bowels are not too happy with me right now!

So, I can't sleep because believe it or not, I'm NOT a good speaker when I have to stand up in front of you and 16 of your peers and bullshit my way through a presentation.  You know why?  Because I'm not a good liar.  When you're looking at me.  Let me tell some BS you over the phone, or in an email and I can bust that shit out.  But put me up in front of you, and I know you can see right through me!

A few weeks ago I was in Orlando at a small conference and I actually made fun of someone because she was so nervous when she got up to speak that she sounded like she was crying.

Carma is going to bite me on the ass tomorrow.  Because guess what this bitch sounds like when she's nervous?  LIKE I'M CRYING!!!!

I already have a call in for some Xanax. Some one's ass might be beat if they don't come through too.

I dont' give a shit if I sound like I'm three sheets to the wind.

I'd rather you think I had myself a little toddy in the morning before my presentation than for you to think I was so nervous I couldn't get my words out. 

I guess I better do my best to close my eyes and fall asleep.  Here's how tired I am.  When I close my eyes I see a god damned second hand spinning in super speed around and around and around.

Nite nite!


  1. Oh how I've missed your blog!! And to be a featured guest...PRICELESS!! Hope you get to sleep and get your Xanax! xoxo

  2. Lmao! No microbrew tonight. Can't sleep either